How to achieve success? Unreasonable success and how to achieve it ?

               How to achieve success and live a happy life

In people's lives there's only may be a half dozen seven eight categories that really matter most. People you know they major in minor things. They focus on stuff that doesn't matter . They know more about this celebrity going in and out of rehab than they do about their own personal development but I look at say if you look at your body without that every thing  else is out the door. You don't want to be the richest man in the graveyard that's not going to do it if there is energy, If there is vitality, If there is strength  it's gonna show up  in your relationship, it's gonna show up in your business it's gonna show up in your life. That's something you got to master. you can't dabble. It's too important.  Emotions are everything. I mean you got a ton of money every body loves you and your primary emotions are pissed off and frustrated then your life's pissed off and frustrated doesn't matter if you've got a billion dollars or a million people loving you.  your life is not great. Relationships intimate relationships especially. It's where the most juice in life comes from. Its where the most pain comes for most people. It's worth mastering instead of dabbling. Really looking at what are you going to do with your time. And mastering your time, instead of having a checklist and crossing all off you can mistake movement for achievement.

I want to squeeze out that time what matters that creates value for me and for everyone I care about and love.  what about your career or your business and the mastery of that , instead of dabbling most business are dabblers that's why they don't make it. 96% you know, in a 10 year period of time, 4% make it . That doesn't even mean they're profitable. And it doesn't mean they're enjoying themselves. Or they're getting anybody else to feel good. really mastering money so that it's not a question in your life
If you can do and be and give and share as much as you want and you're not stressed about it. You're living in a place of abundance. and then spiritually, really I think I don't tell people to believe spiritually but  I believe that ultimately whatever you believe you've got to live it and it should lead to growing and giving. If you're growing , you feel alive. If you're giving, you feel 10 times more alive. If someone can celebrate and give  then that is the spiritual state. so, to me  those are the areas I look at mastering. You know , business for sure, but it's the areas of life that matter most and most of where we spend our time doesn't make people feel fulfilled that's why the average person is not fit and healthy the average person is not in a relationship where they have tremendous passion , the average person is not successful in business the average person is not earning what they want to earn but you know what very few people have those things but a few do a few are happy fulfilled spiritually alive financially strong their business is growing they have passionate love affairs . Everyone's going to measure differently some people value success or significance some people value love more some value just basic levels of certainty. So, when I look at the specific metrics I really look at metrics of what are the things that need to be measured to know if your life is going to work or not. I look at it as our lives are guided moment to moment by the state rent learning how to change your state not fake but to go from pissed off frustrated freaked out to back in your center or creative or determined or something that's going to move forward. It's going to create a better quality of life for you and others that's a critical skill set so moment to moment in life is controlled by our states. You know if you are an angry state you're going to respond differently than if you're feeling playful but what controls those states long term is your model of the world. Your world view and I look to see first what are the targets you're after.  the target is everybody has everyone has different goals and dreams and desires . But you see the same problems what's underneath it . I began to see that there are these same six human needs that we all have the same needs. 
1. Certainty/security
2. Uncertainty/Variety
3. Significance
4. Love
5. Growth
6. Contribution
 we all have a need for certainty that we can avoid pain and we can have some pleasure some comfort . We all need uncertainty we need variety or we feel dead inside if you're totally certain you're bored . If you have total variety you're like freak out and it's not a balance It's learning which of these you need more as a person. Everyone's developed a different set of values in that area the need for significance to feel unique special important . They need to feel loved they need to grow and they need to contribute. Some people value certainty at the top of their list that's their center of their target I don't want to do anything else I know it's going to work. I don't do anything unless it's the same . If you change anything they freak out if certainty is the number one thing on your list everyone has the same needs but if it's number one I know how your life's gonna be I can predict the direction of your life and therefore the destination to some extent if you're driven by love first you want certainty too but love is higher you're gonna behave very differently than if you're driven by significance I have to be the one . So, I look to see which of those needs are the top two on your list because they control your life. The two thing  that most people have 90 of the planet if you said of all these needs which one do you really focus on most day-to-day everybody wants love . What do you focus on most people focus on being significant we live in a Facebook world where people fake their life put new filters make it look different than it really is tell stories that you know are totally full of it to make themselves look good because we live in this kind of false world where significance is more important than love and it separates us and the other one that we see most often is certainty. People want to be certain before they can do something. You couldn't have  started a business like you had if you were absolutely certain before you started you can never build a business with that you can never build a great relationship because if it's based on certainty then everybody's got to stay the same never change which means you're never going to grow which means you're going to be miserable. Find out what's driving you . You can have two people be driven by significance though and do it with a different set of rules that's the second piece I measure the beliefs or rules of how to fulfill that target but I want to be more clear about something an extraordinary life is mastering the skill of the science of achievement . How do I take what I envision and make it real and how do I do that quicker faster better easier the ability to manifest what you come up with and make it real like you've done with your company . I can tell you that the science of achievement there are a lot of people that are damn good and they still don't have an extraordinary life. You see it as extraordinary. It's a science to making money come on any age any color any background any gender.
Everyone 's biochemically different but you and I both know there's  fundamental rules laws there's a science in the body you violate that science you're going to have disease you're going to have low energy you align with that energy its going to affect everything in your life . It's a science fulfillment's not like that fulfillment is as different as our human beings you wanna know what god or the universe likes look at the jungle look at the forest right it's diverse right so most people think well I want to get that because they've been modelling somebody else and that might work on how to achieve something it'll never work for what a fulfill you how many people you know like you got what you thought you wanted and you weren't fulfilled and that I always tell people success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure. If you go out something and you you fail and you're an achiever you don't fail you go I learn something I'll just try something else I'm gonna still get there . What about a year and a month ago we lost what I consider a national treasure robin Williams and ask people how many love Robin wins everybody racing all around the world right he made people laugh people are touched by him . So, how good was he at the science of achievement I mean he wanted to be a great comedian make the whole world laugh . He did he wanted to have his own tv show he did want the number one show he did it he wanted to make movies he did . He wanted to have an academy award for not being funny dramatic and he did it right he did it. yeah he said he wanted a beautiful family he achieved everything and he hung himself and I know recently someone's saying well you know he had dementia he had drug abuse he had alcohol abuse most of his life because he made everybody happy but whom himself that's the ultimate failure so if I had no other message to offer your viewers and you let give it to him right now I'll tell you what I believe our lives are controlled by one force decisions . I certainly believe in force greater than myself call it god if you will grace whatever you want to call it the universe. But I also believes it gives us choices and the decisions we make control us much more than the conditions we meet it's not the conditions it's your decisions , decision what to believe what to give .I say to people think about you know look back 10 years ,15 years ago and think of a decision you made that if you would have made a different decision you'd have a totally different life. Today better or worse I don't know but totally different the most important decision you can make above any of the face of the earth is deciding that no matter what happens in your life no matter what happens you're going to live in a beautiful state the decision to say I am not going to suffer that if suffering arises pain is one thing suffering is another. Suffering is when you're like suffering could be worry, it could be anger can be frustration it's anything that takes you out of a beautiful state and here's what people don't get . You can end suffering by stop focusing on yourself and focus on something you want to serve greater than yourself your children your wife your mission your life you can get out of of it in an instant because the nature of the human mind is to constantly compare things your mind your brain is a two million year old device and it is not designed to make you happy . It's designed to make you survive right and that's why it's always looking for what's wrong. It used to be what's wrong a saber-tooth tiger so I can protect myself now . People are worried about what people think about them or do they have enough money when two-thirds of the planet lives on two dollars a day right and you're making 38 thousand dollars you're rich . Life is short we don't know how short it's going to be but if you only had a week to live I bet you wouldn't allow yourself to suffer over a little crap that makes you crazy normally I think you would probably spend time with those you love you would do what you love you take on a sunset you'd smell the air you were talking . Everything in those final moments that you possibly do so my thing is why wait why not just decide that if I start to suffer I know the solution because suffering is me obsessing about me you might say it's not me I'm worried about my kids because they're not doing well no you're worried that you haven't done enough for your kids . It's about you still right yes you know you're worried about what was done or what you should have done or what shouldn't have done and you can end that in an instant by becoming aware of it and saying I have made the most important decision of all right I'm going to live in a beautiful state because here's what's going to happen. Anybody watching you may loose a family member you probably will somebody may get cancer the government might change the rules they might change things radically you can't even do anything about it you might go bankrupt you might get divorced . I'm say anybody will but no sure no one knows what's going to really happen in your life, life's full of uncertainty but here's what you can know you can decide no matter what happens you could have a great time if somebody like Victor Frankl can be locked up in Auschwitz and come out of that an experience finding joy in the middle of Auschwitz then human beings have a capacity they've undersold themselves on we think that the outside world determines how we feel if people have to behave a certain way if your husband or your wife or your kids or your coworkers or whoever your boss has to behave a certain way for you to be happy and if they don't you're unhappy then you're always going to be un happy because the more people around you the more they're going to change that because they're all human right my invitation is as great as it is to achieve more important to enjoy and if you can enjoy every moment in that state when you're feeling loving and playful and passionate and curious and you treat other people 100 times better when you're feeling frustrated pissed off overwhelmed worried stressed or feeling sorry for yourself you're going to be a better parent .You're going to be a better lover you're going to be a better business person you're going to be a better life so my soliloquy is decide today and actually say what if I cut it off what if I said I'm not willing to settle and I'm just going to live in a beautiful state doesn't mean you won't feel bad and it means you won't stay there  you instantly change but what the hell is success it's hitting an expectation and I always tell people man trade your expectations for appreciation it's a whole new world instantly if you can appreciate this moment if you can't find ecstasy in this moment in a conversation with a friend and looking in your wife's eyes being with your children going on a run if you can't find. Now I'm here to tell you more money more people more love more business more anything is not going to give you more . If you can't do it here now you're not going to do it there when you got more. So, why not do it now and have a rich life right now . I tell people money that's one thing like having financial abundance there's skills that's a science but wealth it's a decision it's like you can be wealthy right now . In Fiji  there are villagers there they're the richest people , They're happy, they laugh, they love they don't give a damn about the economics. Wealthy people come over from the United States and they go travel around and try to figure out what to do and they're going to spend nine month you know years to do this and this and this so they can finally sit down and be happy and the guy goes why don't you sit on the beach right now dude experience it. Why spend the nine years why not have it now enjoy your life whatever is going this will increase your positive frequency and later on you achieve whatever you desire.  

Here are some links for motivational books so that you can achieve success and become happy in life.
Thanks for reading 


What Is Happiness and Why Is It Important?

What Is Happiness and Why Is It Important?

 It is momentary- like a child who breaks one toy and then wants another toy, and then yet another. What are we looking for? If we are looking for happiness, shouldn't it be permanent?

 - By itself, happiness should be a permanent and lasting emotion. when it comes naturally to us , we  won't  be dependent on anything outside, But the moment we make happiness dependent on something,  it becomes a fleeting emotion. 

Simply put , if you look for happiness outside of you , you are dependent on a situation to be favorable. Happiness now becomes conditional and fleeting. If I am happy only when the weather is pleasant, my feeling good is dependent on the weather. I will not allow myself to feel nice if it gets hotter or colder. 

How can one be happy without desires and dependencies?

-That's  probably one of the oldest  belief systems we have allowed ourselves to live by- the belief that happiness is to be acquired from the outside, whether it's from achievements or from people or from what we are. The equation has been 'I am doing this so  that will feel happy'. So the dependency is on the act being performed in the right manner. This belief is ingrained  right from childhood. Parents feel good when the child gets good marks, when the child performs well,  when the child dresses up well, and so on. 

slowly a child is conditioned to believe that he is responsible for his parents' happiness. If they are happy, he can be happy too, and not otherwise.

   Can you share the meaning of happiness and explain how to experience it without any dependency?

-First and foremost, let's see the factors we have made it dependent  on. The simplest dependency that we experience on a daily  is on objects. We say 'I'll feel happy when I buy a new car; I'll feel happy when I buy new property ; I am  happy when I go shopping.'

 Is there truth in this ? Are these dependences actually making us happy?

I certainly will be happy if I buy a new car.

Of course, you will, but is it the car that is giving you the happiness you are looking for?

   I will be happy when I have a new car.. which means, if I don't, then there's a question mark on my happiness. This also means that 10 days down the line, if the car gets a scratch or a bump, my happiness is again going to get affected, because I have conditioned myself into believing that it is the car that is giving me happiness. now that is not true. you uy a new car - the most expensive car in the world. I feel comfortable sitting in the car. so who is experiencing the comfort? it's the body. Plush seats, the best music system and a powerful AC. There is flawless  physical comfort . I feel comfortable sitting in the car and tell myself that I am feeling good. Suppose at that moment I get a phone call giving me news of an unpleasant situation at home. Will I still be happy?

   No, I cannot be. But I am still in the most comfortable car. Here we need to understand that the car was designed to give me physical comfort and it will continue to give me physical comfort, irrespective of my situations.



The reason there is so little happiness in the world

The reason there is so little happiness in the world  is dependency. And this is the irony- because happiness is not dependent on  'anything' or found  'anywhere'.
    Happiness is only possible when we are able to accept  everyone as they  are. That means an end to complaining and blaming, an end to criticizing and controlling, and an end to competing with anyone. 
  It is only when we choose thoughts and feelings aligned with our true state of purity, peace and love that we shift from asking  to sharing; holding on to letting  go; expectations to acceptance; the past and the future  to begin in the now. We create a life of joy, contentment  and bliss, because we have the choice and the power. Happiness is a decision.
  Why is so much emphasis laid on happiness as a topic?
Attaining happiness has been the most common human pursuit as we build our lives. In who we are, what we do, where we go, how we perform- the bottom line has been to seek and experience happiness. Discussing it as a topic helps us to understand the emotion in its entirety, so as to create real and lasting happiness.
 we are looking for happiness ,but what is it through which we are looking for it?
 The channels through which most of us look for happiness is interesting. It ranges from position, possessions, property, relationships, health and so on . Today if you ask someone what they want in life, they say success. But they want success essentially because they believe it makes happy.  Likewise, ask them why they own or purchase material comfort, and the most likely response is that it makes them or their family happy. And the biggest reason people get into relationships today is to get that sense of happiness from the other person. So, Finally everyone is looking for just that one feeling- happiness. 

'Remember your true self. You are more than just flesh and bones; you are unlimited energy and power. Knowing this, you will understand why happiness and prosperity are your birth right.'
-Stephen Richards


Feel Those Feelings And Develop Emotional Intelligence

There is an old joke about a man who is walking home along the street in the early hours of a weekend and he sees another man, who is obviously very drunk, on his hands and knees, searching for something. “What are you looking for?” he asks the dunked man. “My house keys” the man replies. “Where did you drop them?” he asks. “Two streets away” he slurs. “Why aren’t you looking there then”, he asks, puzzled. “Because the light’s much better here.”
Now, during my initial training and learning, I was quite unsure about myself in many ways! Yes, even me, some may say that I have gone rather extremely the other direction now! I tried lots of the things I learned with self-hypnosis and different aspects of the standard NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) approaches to overcome this uncertainty and lack of confidence in my ability to do what I wanted to do, but none of them seemed to work for me. I still got the butterflies in my tummy and lacked a real sense of confidence, in fact I felt nervous about doing what I wanted to do (what if it all went wrong and I failed!!). I had spent some time fighting the anxious feeling, then one day I said to myself “Adam, just experience it, stop resisting it, stop fighting it; just feel it” and an amazing thing happened. I felt the nervous feeling, then it disappeared! I was shocked. All those previous months and years of fighting it, and all that I really needed to do was to feel it. I acknowledged it and stopped resisting.

Doing this is to heighten your own awareness of your own map of the world.

One of the presuppositions of NLP is ‘meet people at their map of the world’. This is a process of seeing things from their point of view or being aware of their experience and is a far deeper discussion for another time. Now, I was fine at doing this with other people and my successful therapeutic consultancy is over the years has been solid proof to me of that, but before all that started, all those years ago, I suddenly realized that I had not been meeting myself at my map of the world. Whenever I felt feelings that I did not like, I would struggle, resist and fight them, and you know what they say: When you fight with yourself, someone always loses, and that someone is you. So I decided to stop fighting and resisting my feelings and instead to acknowledge them and start working with them.

Where am I going with all this then? If there is a feeling that you find unpleasant or that seems unhelpful or that you just plain don’t like, firstly, map out the feeling. This is just a process of identifying where in your body that feeling is, really locate that feeling in your body. Now think about what size it is, how it moves; I used to have a fluttering feeling in the pit of my tummy that as I resisted it more would spread into my chest and back down again. Really be aware of the feeling physiologically, even think about what temperature it is, you can even take it a step further and think about what color it would be if it had one etc.

While most people profess to know what they are feeling, you would be amazed at how many people have not got in the slightest bit acquainted with the physical characteristics of the emotions they are experiencing, they just let them happen passively without really getting an awareness of them. Emotions are physical (they are chemicals and all sorts of other things too), so the first step is to map out that physicality.

Next up, accept the feeling. Become OK with the fact that you are feeling it. For more on how to accept things in your life, again, dig out the article from a previous edition of “Adam Up” that was all about that, it is there in the archive on my website.

Of course, this can be a bit of a struggle for some people, who will no doubt say “But I don’t want to feel it” or “I shouldn’t be feeling it.” I know some of you are thinking that.
So here is the thing: you are feeling it, and if you want to change the feelings quickly, the most expedient way to do it is to meet yourself at your map of the world and accept that presenting feeling that you are having. If you refuse to do this, then you are just resisting it or fighting it as I was doing back then. Then any attempt to change it will involve starting from where you aren’t, and that rarely works out well (as our tipsy man looking for his keys on the wrong street can attest to.)

Then, you find the positive intent. What is your body or your unconscious trying to tell you? Sometimes feelings have a message of some sort for us. Other times, they’re just sensations that our body has some purpose for feeling. What (if anything) is this feeling doing for you or trying to tell you?

Then; feel it. Just feel it. Be sure not to struggle or fight, just feel it. Remember to breathe too

You don’t have to do this for long, but it is really good to feel something. Even if it feels bad, the fact that you can feel it means that you are alive (woo-hoo!) and it also means that you are in touch with how you feel. These are both good things to be able to acknowledge and realise within yourself. Often, just accepting and realizing a feeling is putting it in a vast different perspective.

The final part of this process is to then play with the feeling.

Increase the feeling’s intensity. The reduce it. If it was one color, make it another, if it was moving in a certain direction, move it in another, if it was a certain size, enlarge it or make it smaller, basically, have a play with it and discover just how much influence you have over this feeling. I think you will be surprised when you realize just how much influence you really do have.

One of the things you’ll begin to find as you start to experience is just how much it’s possible for you to get a handle on your feelings. You may well discover for yourself that feelings aren’t true or false. They don’t really mean anything. They are just sensations that you are experiencing in your body. If you resist them, they’ll be there for some time, but if you accept them, you can start to play with them and change them. Does this mean you’ll not have a bad feeling ever again? No. Feelings will come and feelings will go, but what it does mean is that you can start to have more and more of the sorts of feelings you want to have. I know that whatever you are wanting to do in life, you’ll be wanting to punctuate your life with more and more good feelings, am I right?

So, enjoy your day today and make sure that you are spreading some good feelings into your life.


For me the two most important things in life are health and happiness.

I am sure there will be many people who read this article and will think I am rather mad. Quite frankly I do not care. In this article I write about what in my humble opinion are the most importants things in life, health and happiness.
All that most of my friends talk about is money:

What car do you drive?

How much is your house worth?

How much do you earn?

How much did your suit cost?

Where are you going on holiday this year?

I find all of this very boring and think that they are rather sad. They seem to be in some sort of competition and they are basically obsessed about money.

I will give you an example of one such friend, his name is John. He never seems to talk about anything else and is always looking into get rich quick schemes. He is also in a lottery syndicate, of which there are about fifty members. Each member pays around ten pounds in per week. John likes to go out socialising on a Saturday night, however soon gets itchy feet at the time of the lottery draw. A few minutes later he will go to the toilet where he will then phone his girlfriend. He takes with him to the toilet a piece of paper with his numbers on and a little pen. After his girlfriend has told him which numbers were drawn, John will then then spend around twenty minutes checking his numbers, and then re-checking to see if he has any winning lines.

Eventually he returns to the group who seem very keen (apart from me) to find out how much he has won/lost. To date he has only won small amounts, however is convinced that one day he will become a millionaire. He will then start talking about the lottery, asking other people what they would buy if they were lucky enough to ever win. At this point I become very bored and start to wish I had stayed at home and watched the football.

For me the two most important things in life are health and happiness. These are two things which money can not buy. A few years ago, my dad was taken ill. He was in a real bad way and had to spend around five months in hospital. Him being ill was a huge shock to me as he was only fifty-seven. I feared the worst, even though I was trying my hardest to think and stay positive. I remember thinking, if I gave those doctors everything I own in the world, it still would not help him. I felt powerless and at that moment realised that money is only paper.

Happiness is the same, I remember at the age of twenty-one having lots of money and had been surprised that I was depressed at the same time. At other times I have had next to no money and have been extremely happy.



 I was first thinking , when exactly does one start to yearn for acceptance?

Is it when we are born?

Is it when we first feel the pain of non-acceptance?

Is it when we begin to be challenged in sports?

Is it when we fall into the ever talked about `peer pressure`?

Is it when we fall in love?

Is it when we start a new job?

Is it when we become a new member of a family?

Is it when we move to a new city or country?

Is it when we write our very first book?

I believe it is all of the above, when people feel the need to be accepted, they will do leaps and bounds to succeed in this quest.

Athletes and body builders will take drugs to win..winning=acceptance.

When we fall in love , our entire being wants to feel accepted by our mate.

Authors will spend hours and hours to write the exact words to please their readers and go to great lengths to publish their creation.

Becoming a new member of a family whether it be through marriage or adoption will create a need to be nurtured as one who genuinely belongs.

Starting a new job is a definite acceptance need, we need to fit in so we can relax and apply ourselves 100% to our job.

Moving to a new country or city or even just a new neighbourhood, is very challenging for us and to be accepted and fit in, is a very important step in our settling in.

Lets not forget` Peer Pressure` , that’s a tough one, children just getting started in high school suffer the most with this one, hormones are swinging and their emotions are so sensitive. The fears that they have struggle with for the year before is all up front and they have a whole lot of reality to deal with. To fit in and be accepted by their peers is more than half the battle.

   Being a baby has a world of need to be accepted and see our parents smile when we please them.

The pain of non acceptance for the first time cuts like a knife. It wounds us for life, creating a scar that we grow with forever.

All these worries , needs and desires are in all of us that live and breathe. Some of us feel the hunger for acceptance less than others. Some of us cannot live with out acceptance , we become obsessed in our thinking, trying anything we can to fit in.

Do you read the words “self esteem” in anything I have written here today. Yup and it is in every sentence. The need for acceptance somehow effects our self-esteem which in turns affects our emotional stability where jealousy , worry and anxiety seed from.. If you know the feeling of non-acceptance or low self-esteem, then you know how controlled you are by the worry that follows them and how much of your life is imprisoned by that other mind.

Low self-esteem and non-acceptance are exactly that, `another mind` and one can actually feel them at war . It reminds me of the good devil and bad devil scenario. Trust me here it is no fun for the person that is imprisoned by it, not only do they have to balance the two minds, but they also have the guilt that they feel when they see what the result of the battle in their heads is doing to the people around them. The constant questions that one faces as in my blog FEELINGS!!!! are an added pain to the already lonely tortured person.

So if anyone out there knows a person that suffers from non-acceptance or low self-esteem, HUGG them and please try to have more patience and understand that they are not having a picnic and that if just saying , “stop it” or “just don`t think about it” could stop it, they would in a heart beat. We all need support and acceptance to get us through our lows. Kicking someone when they are down, never ever helps them to get up.

I am doing what I can through my web site and my blog to help educate people and help them understand what low self-esteem is all about and how very intense and serious it is. If any of you ever have any questions, please contact me or leave me a comment and I will do my best to answer it.

Dorothy Lafrinere






Finding A Dream Dictionary

Finding A Dream Dictionary

Finding A Dream Dictionary

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Tips To Increase Self Esteem

I have had many confidence issues in my life, all of which I have either dealt with or overcome. I have written about some of these issues below.
1. The Bald Patch
2. My height
3. My weight
4. The stutter
5. My lack of belief in myself
6. My career


Even though to some people it may seem trivial, I was born with a bald patch the size of a ten pence piece. As I went through childhood and especially the teenage years I became more and more self-conscious and paranoid about it.
It was especially noticeable when it rained or when I went swimming as my hair would become wet. People at school would ridicule me and I was forever trying to hide and cover the bald patch even though most people knew about it.
It hurt when people laughed at me and eventually I stopped going swimming altogether.


Out of all of my close male family and friends, I am the shortest at 5ft 4. This probably should not influence my confidence however with people continually looking down on me it did. I have been called many names, the nicest being “Shorty”.
I was always jealous of other people taller than I was. I hoped that one day I might have a late spurt. This never came.
My height affected me with sport. I wanted to be a striker at football however the coaches only wanted people over 6ft tall. At snooker I am constantly have to use the rest which makes it difficult to play up to the best standard and at tennis I was constantly being lobbed. It also meant that I only felt comfortable dating women 5ft 3 and under which reduces the available market considerably.

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During senior school I was very thin. This may have been the result of my parents turning vegetarian when I was twelve. At the time there were very few replacement foods and it seemed as though we went from having meat and two veg to just two veg.
As my parents cooked the food I had little option but to also turn vegetarian. After a few weeks I approached them and told them that I missed and wanted to eat meat. They were understanding to a degree and said:
“If you want it, you cook it”
At this age I could only really be bothered to cook properly a few days of the week and that gradually became less and less.
People at school would call me names like skin and bone and my weight became another area of paranoia for me.

At the age of four I developed a stutter. This became gradually worse as I became older even though my parents were told that I would grow out of it.
For what fluent people would class as simple tasks like reading from a book at school, answering questions, saying my name and address, ordering items at the bar or in a restaurant, and speaking on the telephone became a constant battle.
It was a very frustrating impediment, as I seemed to be able to talk quite fluently to people I knew well and whom I felt comfortable with, but at other times especially under any form of pressure could not say a word.
At the age of twenty two after about eleven months of sheer hard work and practice I managed to overcome the stutter and I now help other people who stutter to achieve fluency as well as helping people with confidence problems.

I always had a lack of belief in certain areas.
I would notice a female in a bar for example and would want to go over and talk to her but would have the negative attitude of I’m not good enough, why would she be interested in me? I stutter, I have a bald patch, I have a menial job and I am very thin.
Even if I approach her and am successful, I would then be expected to buy her a drink, possibly phone her, possibly meet her parents, and maybe even get married! The thought of attempting these things with a stutter and with a lack of social confidence was far too daunting for me.
I left school at sixteen mainly due to a lack of confidence and the stutter, but then had the problem of finding a job. Again my lack of belief came shining through. Who would want to employ somebody with a stutter, who has a lack of confidence and who is shy around people?

After leaving school at the age of sixteen I now had to find employment. Suffering with a stutter and a general lack of confidence meant that work involving the phone or regular interaction with other people were not really an option.
I decided that I could probably cope with filing duties in an office and eventually gained a position at an insurance company.
I started at the lowest grade, a grade two and the work was routine and mundane. The average time to stay at this level before being promoted was six months. The grade three post involved sharing a phone and this is something I found very difficult to use.
To become upgraded you had to apply in writing to the personal officer and then if you passed the interview were then promoted. My attitude was that if I don’t apply I would stay as a grade two, which is what I wanted. I was probably the only person in the country who did not want to be promoted.
My boss would ask me at regular intervals why I was not applying and I would make up an excuse. To keep him happy I took the insurance exams. After three years I had completed the first qualification which was a set of five exams. To my horror my boss congratulated me by stating that he was upgrading me to a grade three starting Monday without the need of an interview.
This promotion should in effect have given me a confidence boost however with my stutter out of control under the pressure and some of my colleagues mocking me I became more and more withdrawn and depressed.
I would be invited to social events and would make up excuses of why I could not go as I had a lack of belief that I could cope with the occasion and all the socializing involved.

Tips to Improving Self-Esteem

  • Accept yourself. People should remember that everyone is unique and beauty is to be found in every human being. ...
  • Self-Appreciation. ...
  • Refrain from Comparing. ...
  • Don't Put Yourself Down. ...
  • Befriend Positive People. ...
  • Remind Yourself of the Positive Things about You. ...
  • Use tools. ...
  • Engage in Fun Activities.